The Gift in Grief, If You Will Open It

Are there gifts in loss? I believe so …

Hey, good morning. It’s August 14th, 2024, and I’m on my way to work. As I was doing my morning prayer, reading, and exercise, something came to mind, especially after working with someone on grief counseling. I’ve been reflecting on the gift that loss is in our lives. Grief is our response to loss, but the loss itself can be a gift.

But there’s work involved — healthy work!

Often, the grief we experience is complex because loss uncovers areas in our lives that make us uncomfortable. It reveals things we resist learning because we’ve grown so comfortable in our roles and relationships. When we lose someone—be it a child, spouse, or parent—we’re forced to confront who we are outside of those roles. For instance, who am I outside of being a mom, a wife, or someone who felt loved and adored?

It’s interesting. If we look closely, We’re presented with a choice. 

If we consider the loss of a spouse or child, there was a time before we had them in our lives. Who were we then? Much of the complexity of grief comes from our resistance to accepting this truth. When we think of loss and the triggers it brings, they often point to deep-seated wounds, sometimes from childhood, that a loved one helped to soothe. Now, without them, we face the choice: do we work on healing these wounds, or do we ignore them?

Here’s the strength that you’ll find.

I believe that prolonged grief and complicated grief stem from resisting this process. We hold on to the disbelief, the denial, and avoid moving through the stages of grief. Anger, in particular, often comes from not wanting to face the reality that we now have to be someone we don’t feel ready or capable of being. But once we accept it, we realize the resources around us and the strength within us that we’ve had all along.

Are you willing to resurge with this newfound courage, energy, and life? Here’s the true question …

The discomfort pushes us to find ways around it. That’s my thought for today. I’m thinking about how I might write this into a post, and I pray for clarity on how to explore this idea more deeply. I’m not sure if I want to focus entirely on loss, but I know it’s a significant topic. Loss doesn’t just relate to the death of a spouse or child; it can be the loss of a job, a marriage, or other life changes. When these losses occur, they strip away the layers we’ve built around ourselves, exposing what’s underneath. The question is: are we ready to work on what we find there, or do we ignore it?

Here’s what you need to uncover if you want to come out better and not turn grief into more future misery.

Many people rush into new relationships because they’re not ready to deal with what loss reveals. They miss the opportunity to grow and become their full selves, to meet their own needs, before finding someone else to help soothe their pain. What are we really missing when we say, “I miss my husband” or “I miss my child”? Is it the validation, the care, or something deeper? Can we learn to provide these things for ourselves?

Loss gives us a unique opportunity, even if it doesn’t seem that way.

The complexity of grief often lies in our reluctance to face these questions. Over time, we may get used to the physical absence of a loved one, but it’s the emotional and psychological aspects that are harder to address. Loss gives us a chance to explore these deeper issues, to understand ourselves better, and to grow.

Let’s take this to heart in prayer. Pray with me.

So, as I head to work today, I pray that God will be with me, give me strength, and help me represent Him in my words, actions, and deeds. I also ask for help in staying mindful of my behavior, especially in moments when I might be tempted to say something unbecoming for the sake of humor. I want to remember that I am a leader in my community and church and to let that awareness guide my actions.

I pray for humility, for the ability to be seen and heard, and for courage in the face of criticism and rejection. Often, I fear putting myself out there, so I try to be charming and charismatic as a way to be liked. But more than anything, I want to be genuine and true to who I am in Christ.

Thank you, Lord, for your guidance. I pray for the strength to do what needs to be done, even when I feel resistance. Help me to question why I struggle with certain tasks, to uncover any core wounds, and to address any faulty thinking. I give you praise and honor today, Jesus.

The key lesson is that loss reveals our deeper wounds, offering a challenging but essential opportunity for personal growth and healing.

If you want help to deal with, learn, and heal from grief so you can live more authentically and courageously, then contact me for help.